What questions should I ask a potential Dom before playing?
History, Community & ProfessionalAsk a potential Dom about their experience, limits, consent philosophy, approach to safe words, what happens if something goes wrong, how they handle aftercare, and whether they can provide community references. Ask what BDSM means to them and why they are drawn to it.
Several categories of questions help evaluate a potential Dom before any play happens. Experience questions: How long have you been practicing BDSM? What communities are you part of? Who have you learned from or trained with? What kinds of scenes do you have the most experience with? Philosophy questions: What does BDSM mean to you? What draws you to being dominant? How do you approach consent? What is your view on safe words? How do you handle it when a submissive says no to something? Safety questions: What happens if something goes wrong during a scene? What is your approach to aftercare? How do you handle a submissive experiencing drop? What is your plan if someone gets hurt? Community questions: Who in the community can vouch for you? What munches or events do you attend? Compatibility questions: What are your own hard and soft limits? What are you looking for in a dynamic? What are your expectations about communication frequency, intensity, and relationship structure? The specific answers matter less than whether the Dom engages seriously with the questions. Dismissiveness, vagueness, or irritation at being asked are all red flags.