BDSM Glossary

A consensual roleplay dynamic in which one or more participants takes on a younger or older persona than their actual age. Age play encompasses a wide range, from caretaking dynamics (DDlg, CG/l) to more formalised little/big relationships. All participants in age play are adults consenting to the dynamic.

See also: DDlg, CG/l, little, Daddy Dom, Mommy Domme

The care provided to all participants after a BDSM scene or session. Aftercare addresses the physical and emotional comedown from intense play and can include physical comfort (blankets, water, food), emotional check-ins, reassurance, and time to decompress together. The form of aftercare varies widely between individuals and dynamics.

See also: sub drop, dom drop, afterglow

The warm, contented, emotionally elevated feeling that follows a positive scene for one or both participants. Afterglow is the pleasant counterpart to drop: a sense of closeness, relaxation, and satisfaction. It can last from hours to days after an intense or emotionally significant scene.

See also: aftercare, subspace, drop

An early BDSM and alternative lifestyle dating and social networking site, predating FetLife by many years. Alt.com was once the primary online gathering place for kink communities in the 1990s and early 2000s. Though still active, it has largely been supplanted by FetLife.

See also: FetLife

A type of gag consisting of a sphere, often silicone or rubber, held in the wearer's mouth by a strap around the head. Ball gags restrict speech and are commonly used in bondage and sensory scenes. A non-verbal safeword or signal is essential when any gag is in use.

See also: gag, ring gag, bit gag, non-verbal safeword

An umbrella acronym covering a wide range of consensual adult practices. The letters stand for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. The term is used broadly to describe the community, its practices, and the relationships that involve power exchange or sensation play.

See also: D/s, M/s, kink

The practice of maintaining a BDSM dynamic continuously across all areas of daily life, not just during scenes. The term distinguishes full-time power exchange relationships from those where roles are only active during agreed-upon play sessions.

See also: TPE, 24/7

A gag modelled on a horse's bit, consisting of a rod held horizontally in the mouth. Bit gags are associated with pony play but are used more broadly in bondage. Like all gags, they require a non-verbal safeword system and attentive monitoring.

See also: gag, ball gag, ring gag, pony play

A covering placed over the eyes to remove or restrict vision during a scene. Blindfolding is one of the most accessible forms of sensory deprivation and can intensify other sensations by removing visual cues. Blindfolds range from simple sleep masks to fitted leather or latex hoods.

See also: sensory deprivation, hood

The practice of restraining a person using rope, cuffs, tape, or other materials as part of consensual BDSM play. Bondage can be physical restraint for its own sake, as part of a power exchange, or as preparation for other activities. Safety considerations include circulation, nerve compression, and always having a way to release quickly.

See also: rope, shibari, kinbaku, suspension, restraints

A self-adhering film, often PVC, used to wrap and restrain. Bondage tape sticks only to itself and not to skin or hair, making it relatively easy to remove. It is often used by beginners as an accessible alternative to rope.

See also: bondage, vet wrap

The person who receives sensation, stimulation, or physical action in a scene. Bottom is a positional or activity-based term and does not necessarily imply submission: a bottom may have no power exchange element in their play at all. Someone can be a bottom without identifying as a submissive.

See also: top, submissive, rope bunny

A submissive who deliberately misbehaves, challenges, teases, or resists their Dominant as part of their dynamic. Bratting is a recognised play style, not a failure of submission. The Dominant who enjoys managing or disciplining a brat is sometimes called a brat tamer.

See also: brat tamer, bratting, funishment

A Dominant who specifically enjoys the dynamic of managing, disciplining, or wearing down the resistance of a brat. Brat tamers generally find the challenge and playfulness of the brat dynamic engaging rather than frustrating. Not all Dominants want or can work with brats.

See also: brat, bratting

The act of a brat-identified submissive deliberately causing mischief, pushing back, or teasing their Dominant. Bratting is a consensual play style within an established dynamic, distinct from genuine disobedience or topping from the bottom. The goal is often to provoke a desired reaction from the Dominant.

See also: brat, brat tamer, funishment

Any activity that restricts or controls a person's breathing as a form of sensation or power exchange. Breath play carries significant and well-documented risks including cardiac events, brain injury, and death, and is widely considered one of the most dangerous activities in BDSM. Many experienced practitioners refuse to engage in it at all.

See also: edge play

A physical enclosure used in BDSM for confinement as a form of bondage, punishment, or psychological control. Cages range from small crates to human-sized kennels and are common in pet play, domestic service dynamics, and confinement-focused scenes. Monitoring, ventilation, and quick-release access are standard safety requirements.

See also: pet play, bondage

A thin rod, traditionally of rattan, used in impact play. Canes produce an intense, concentrated sting and can cause significant bruising or breaking of the skin if used with force. Caning is considered a more advanced impact skill that benefits from dedicated training and practice.

See also: impact play, flogger, paddle, crop, tawse

The nurturing, protective partner role in a CG/l or age play dynamic. Caretakers provide guidance, structure, care, and often discipline to their little or middle partner. The term is sometimes preferred over Daddy Dom or Mommy Domme by those who want a gender-neutral label.

See also: CG/l, DDlg, little, Daddy Dom, Mommy Domme

Abbreviation for Cock and Ball Torture. CBT encompasses a range of consensual activities involving the penis and testicles, including squeezing, binding, stretching, and impact. Despite the name, CBT can be pleasurable for recipients and is a common category of BDSM play.

See also: sensation play, edge play

Abbreviation for Caregiver/little. CG/l is the broader community and dynamic framework encompassing any adult consensual age-regression dynamic, regardless of the genders or orientations of the participants. It is more inclusive than DDlg and covers Mommy Dommes, gender-neutral caregivers, and same-sex dynamics.

See also: DDlg, little, caretaker, age play

A physical device worn on the genitals to prevent sexual activity or orgasm. Chastity devices are used in orgasm control dynamics, Dominant/submissive relationships, and findom. They range from simple silicone cages to more elaborate lockable metal devices.

See also: orgasm control, D/s, findom

A brief communication during a scene in which the top or Dominant verifies that the bottom or submissive is physically and emotionally well. Check-ins can be verbal or non-verbal (a squeeze response, colour system). Regular check-ins are considered best practice, particularly in intense or long scenes.

See also: safeword, negotiation, traffic light system

Abbreviation for Consensual Non-Consent. CNC refers to scenes in which the participants agree in advance to roleplay scenarios where one person acts as though they are not consenting. All CNC play requires explicit and enthusiastic prior consent, detailed negotiation, and clear safewords. The "non-consent" is entirely fictional.

See also: roleplay, negotiation, safeword, edge play

A physical item worn around the neck by a submissive, slave, or pet as a symbol of their dynamic with a Dominant or Owner. Collars carry significant symbolic weight in many BDSM traditions and can indicate anything from a casual play relationship to a committed long-term dynamic. The giving of a collar is sometimes treated as a ceremony comparable to a marriage or commitment.

See also: day collar, training collar, collaring ceremony, O-ring

A formal ritual in which a Dominant gives a collar to a submissive, slave, or pet as a mark of commitment and the establishment or deepening of a dynamic. Collaring ceremonies vary from private and intimate to large community celebrations. In many traditions, a collaring is treated with the same seriousness as a marriage or commitment ceremony.

See also: collar, day collar, protocol

The active, ongoing, informed agreement of all participants to engage in BDSM activities. Consent in BDSM is not a one-time checkbox but a continuous process: it can be renegotiated, withdrawn, or limited at any time. Valid consent requires that all parties are informed, sober, and free from coercion.

See also: informed consent, SSC, RACK, PRICK, negotiation

A multi-day gathering of the kink or leather community, typically featuring workshops, social events, vendor markets, and sometimes play areas. Conventions like Kinky Kollege, Leather Leadership Conference, or Shibaricon bring together participants from across a region or country. Most have codes of conduct and event-specific rules.

See also: munch, dungeon, fetish fair, workshop

A Dominant's response to a submissive's error or infraction that aims to guide behaviour and reinforce expectations. Correction is distinct from punishment in that it may be lighter, more instructional, and less formal. In some dynamics, correction is verbal only; in others it involves physical consequences.

See also: punishment, discipline, maintenance spanking

Informal term for any sudden or significant emotional low after a scene or period of intense play. The word emphasises the abruptness of the mood shift and is common in informal community conversation. See also sub drop and dom drop.

See also: sub drop, dom drop, drop

A short, stiff implement with a small leather flap at the end, derived from horse-riding equipment. Crops are used in impact play and pet play, particularly pony play. They deliver a sharp, targeted sting and are considered an accessible intermediate implement.

See also: impact play, flogger, paddle, cane, tawse

Restraints worn on the wrists or ankles, made from leather, metal, or synthetic materials. Cuffs are among the most common bondage implements and range from padded beginner-friendly leather to rigid metal restraints. Proper sizing and positioning are important to avoid nerve compression and circulation issues.

See also: restraints, bondage

Abbreviation for Dominance/submission. D/s describes the broad category of relationships and dynamics built around consensual power exchange, where one person holds and exercises authority over another. D/s can be part-time (only during scenes) or full-time (as in a 24/7 dynamic).

See also: BDSM, M/s, TPE, power exchange

A nurturing Dominant who takes on a parental or guiding role with their submissive partner, often (but not only) in DDlg or CG/l dynamics. Daddy Doms provide care, structure, guidance, and sometimes discipline. The label is about relationship dynamic, not age or literal familial connection.

See also: DDlg, CG/l, Mommy Domme, caretaker, little

A discreet piece of jewellery or accessory worn publicly to symbolise a power exchange relationship without drawing attention from non-kink people. Day collars are often necklaces or chokers that could pass as ordinary accessories. They allow a submissive or slave to maintain a visible symbol of their dynamic in vanilla environments.

See also: collar, training collar, vanilla-passing

Abbreviation for Daddy Dom/little girl. DDlg is a specific age play or caregiving dynamic between an adult who identifies as a little girl (of any gender or body) and a nurturing, Dominant Daddy Dom figure. All participants are adults. The dynamic centres on care, nurturing, structure, and often elements of play.

See also: CG/l, little, Daddy Dom, age play

A form of psychological play in which the submissive consents to being treated in a degrading manner, which may include verbal humiliation, physical acts of debasement, or being treated as inferior. Degradation play requires careful negotiation, including specific words and acts that are off-limits. Many practitioners find it intensely cathartic or erotic within a consensual framework.

See also: humiliation play, psychological play, negotiation

A demonstration of a BDSM skill or activity, usually performed at a workshop, event, or dungeon by an experienced practitioner. Demos may use volunteer participants or pre-arranged partners. They are educational in intent and usually include commentary explaining what is being done and why.

See also: workshop, convention, munch

The practice of enforcing rules, expectations, or training within a D/s or M/s dynamic. Discipline encompasses the entire system of expectations, consequences, and corrections that structure a power exchange relationship. It is not synonymous with punishment, which is one specific tool within a discipline framework.

See also: punishment, correction, maintenance spanking, protocol

An emotional and physical low experienced by the Dominant after a scene, analogous to sub drop. After the adrenaline, focus, and neurochemical highs of a scene, a Dominant may experience fatigue, sadness, self-doubt, or emotional disconnection. Dom drop is less frequently discussed than sub drop but is well-documented among practitioners.

See also: sub drop, drop, aftercare, dom space

An altered state of focus, clarity, and control experienced by some Dominants during an intense scene. Dom space is characterised by heightened attention, strong sense of purpose, and often a feeling of calm authority. It is the Dominant's equivalent of subspace.

See also: subspace, headspace, dom drop

A person who takes the lead, exercising authority and control within a power exchange dynamic. Dominants can have many styles: nurturing, strict, sadistic, service-oriented, or any combination. The term (capitalised by convention in many BDSM communities) encompasses a wide range of specific roles including Dom, Domme, Master, Mistress, Daddy Dom, and others.

See also: D/s, Domme, Master, Mistress, top

A female-presenting or female-identified Dominant. The spelling "Domme" with the extra "me" is a community convention used to distinguish from the male-gendered "Dom." In practice, people use the spelling that fits their identity, and both terms appear across all genders.

See also: Dominant, Dom, Mistress

The emotional, psychological, or physical low that can follow a BDSM scene for any participant. Drop results from the rapid decrease in adrenaline, endorphins, and other neurochemicals elevated during play. It can appear immediately after a scene or be delayed by hours or days. Drop affects submissives (sub drop), Dominants (dom drop), and tops who are not in a power exchange (top drop).

See also: sub drop, dom drop, top drop, aftercare, crash

A dedicated physical space equipped for BDSM play, either private or as part of a club, event venue, or community space. Dungeons typically contain equipment such as crosses, benches, suspension rigs, and impact implements. Community or commercial dungeons usually have hosts or dungeon monitors who enforce the rules of the space.

See also: play party, dungeon monitor, scene

The specific structure, rules, and relationship style that two or more people establish in their BDSM or power exchange relationship. A dynamic can be highly formalised with written protocols, or loosely agreed upon. The term covers everything from a simple "I top, you bottom during scenes" arrangement to a 24/7 TPE relationship.

See also: D/s, M/s, protocol, structure

BDSM activities considered higher-risk, requiring significant skill, experience, or carrying risks that cannot be fully mitigated. What counts as edge play is subjective and shifts over time: breath play, knife play, fire play, needle play, and CNC are commonly cited examples. Edge play requires especially thorough negotiation and preparation.

See also: knife play, breath play, fire play, needle play, CNC

A form of sensation play using electrical current applied to the body. Common devices include TENS units, violet wands, and purpose-built adult play devices. Electro play has specific contraindications including pacemakers, implanted metal, and certain medical conditions. Current should never pass across the chest.

See also: e-stim, violet wand, sensation play

Abbreviation for Ethically Open Kink, a term used by some practitioners to signal that their approach to kink is grounded in ethical frameworks around consent, transparency, and ongoing communication rather than adherence to any single acronym-based philosophy.

See also: SSC, RACK, PRICK

Abbreviation for electrical stimulation. E-stim is used in medical play and sensation play to deliver controlled electrical impulses to muscles or nerve endings. Commercial e-stim devices designed specifically for adult play and medical TENS units are both widely used.

See also: electro play, violet wand, sensation play, medical play

A sexual or D/s act in which one person sits on or hovers over another's face, often for oral stimulation or as an act of dominance or submission. Face sitting is a common humiliation or service activity in power exchange dynamics. Breath control considerations apply: the person beneath should always have a safe signal.

See also: service, humiliation play, D/s

The largest social network for the BDSM and kink community, founded in 2008. FetLife functions similarly to Facebook but is built around fetish and kink identities, group discussions, event listings, and personal photo and video sharing. It is a primary networking platform for the community and a common first stop for newcomers.

See also: alt.com, community, munch

A public or semi-public event combining a vendor marketplace (for leather goods, toys, clothing, and accessories) with demonstrations, workshops, and social activities. Fetish fairs range from small local events to large multi-day gatherings.

See also: convention, munch, dungeon

Also known as findom. A dynamic in which a submissive gives money, gifts, or financial control to a Dominant as an act of submission. Findom ranges from occasional tribute payments to elaborate financial control arrangements. Like all BDSM, findom should involve informed consent and benefits from clear boundaries around amounts and frequency.

See also: D/s, humiliation play, service

A form of edge play involving open flame applied to or near the body, often using alcohol-based fire or specialised wands. Fire play requires specific safety training, fire suppression supplies immediately on hand, and sober participants. It is not a beginner activity.

See also: edge play, sensation play

Abbreviation for Female-Led Relationship. An FLR is a relationship structure in which a woman holds primary or total authority and decision-making power. FLR overlaps significantly with D/s and M/s but foregrounds the gender dynamic explicitly. FLRs vary from mild (the woman has more say in specific areas) to total (TPE with a female Dominant).

See also: D/s, TPE, M/s, power exchange

Informal term for subspace, particularly the euphoric, floaty, dissociated feeling at peak intensity. "Flying" emphasises the sensation of being lifted outside ordinary consciousness. It is used colloquially in some communities to describe any very deep altered state during play.

See also: subspace, headspace, drop

An impact implement with multiple tails or falls attached to a handle, used in impact play. Floggers vary enormously in sensation depending on material (suede, leather, rubber, chain) and construction. They are among the most versatile and commonly used impact tools and are often recommended as a starting point for impact play exploration.

See also: impact play, paddle, cane, crop, tawse

A portmanteau of "fun" and "punishment." Funishment refers to a "punishment" that both parties actually enjoy, meaning it functions more as a reward or game than a genuine consequence. It is often associated with brat dynamics where the submissive misbehaves specifically to receive a desired activity.

See also: brat, bratting, punishment

A device placed in or over the mouth to restrict speech during a scene. Common types include ball gags, ring gags, bit gags, cloth gags, and panel gags. Any scene involving a gag requires a non-verbal safeword system (hand signals, object drops) and attentive monitoring, as the person gagged cannot use a verbal safeword.

See also: ball gag, ring gag, bit gag, non-verbal safeword

An activity or scenario that a person will not engage in under any circumstances. Hard limits are absolute and non-negotiable within that person's kink practice. Violating a hard limit is considered a serious consent violation. Hard limits are established during negotiation and should always be respected without exception.

See also: soft limit, negotiation, consent, safeword

The psychological and emotional state a person enters during BDSM play. Getting into headspace describes the mental shift that occurs as a scene deepens or a dynamic intensifies. Different roles have distinct headspaces: subspace, dom space, little space, and pet space are all forms of headspace.

See also: subspace, dom space, little space, pet space

A formalised, structured mode of conduct within a D/s or M/s dynamic. High protocol typically includes specific postures, forms of address, rituals for entering or leaving the Dominant's presence, and strict behavioural rules. High protocol may be applied full-time or only in specific contexts such as formal events or community gatherings.

See also: low protocol, protocol, ritual, structure

Abbreviation for Horny New Guy (or sometimes Horny Net Geek). HNG is a community warning label applied to a person, usually a man new to online kink spaces, who approaches others primarily through sexual aggression, ignores boundaries, and treats the community as a hookup marketplace. Identifying someone as an HNG is a red flag to other community members.

See also: community, FetLife, red flags

A rigging apparatus used to lift a person partially or fully off the ground in suspension bondage. Hoists can be manual or motorised and are fixed to overhead structural points. Their use requires structural safety checks, rigging knowledge, and specific training for suspension work.

See also: suspension, bondage, rope

A covering placed over the head to restrict vision, hearing, or both. Hoods are used in sensory deprivation, bondage, and psychological play. They come in many materials including leather, latex, and spandex. Hoods covering the mouth or nose require careful monitoring and should never be used without a reliable air supply.

See also: sensory deprivation, blindfold, bondage

A formalised BDSM community group, sometimes called a leather house or household, operating under a shared set of values, protocols, and traditions. Leather houses may trace lineage to old guard leather traditions and have formal processes for membership, mentorship, and leadership. Not all BDSM practitioners belong to houses.

See also: old guard, leather community

A form of psychological BDSM play in which the submissive consents to acts or words intended to produce feelings of embarrassment, shame, or lowliness. Humiliation play can be verbal (name-calling, mocking) or physical (objectification, public acts). Detailed negotiation about what is and is not acceptable is essential.

See also: degradation play, psychological play, face sitting

In BDSM, consensual erotic hypnosis used to deepen submission, install triggers, or create altered states during play. BDSM hypnosis ranges from deep trance induction to light relaxation and suggestibility exercises. It requires genuine skill and is considered a form of psychological or mind play.

See also: mind play, headspace

Any consensual BDSM activity in which physical striking is used for sensation, punishment, or erotic stimulation. Impact play includes spanking, flogging, paddling, caning, and cropping. Different implements produce different sensations (thuddy vs. stingy), and safe target areas differ significantly from unsafe ones.

See also: flogger, paddle, cane, crop, tawse, OTK

Consent given with full knowledge of what an activity involves, including its risks. In BDSM, informed consent means that all participants understand the physical and psychological risks of what they are agreeing to, not just that they said yes to a label. Informed consent is a higher standard than mere agreement.

See also: consent, negotiation, SSC, RACK

Abbreviation for "in real life." In kink communities, IRL distinguishes actual in-person interactions from online-only relationships, roleplay, or presence. "IRL meeting" or "IRL play" refers to meeting or playing in person as opposed to through text, voice, or video.

See also: RP, LDR

A Japanese tradition of erotic rope bondage with specific aesthetic, artistic, and spiritual dimensions. Kinbaku (literally "tight binding") emphasises the emotional connection between rope top and rope bottom, the beauty of the form, and the psychological experience of being bound. It has a distinct philosophical tradition separate from Western rope bondage.

See also: shibari, rope, bondage

Describes a professional (therapist, doctor, lawyer) who has education or experience regarding BDSM and kink practices and does not pathologise consensual kink. Finding a kink-aware therapist or doctor is important for practitioners who want to be fully honest in professional settings.

See also: kink-friendly, vanilla

A broader term than kink-aware, indicating that an individual or space is welcoming and non-judgemental toward kink practitioners without necessarily having formal training. A kink-friendly hotel, dungeon space, or community venue creates no barriers for kink-associated behaviours or dress.

See also: kink-aware, vanilla

A submissive who takes on a feline pet persona as part of their dynamic. Kittens may adopt cat-like behaviours, mannerisms, and sometimes costume elements such as ears, tails, and collars. The dynamic typically pairs with a handler or Dominant who cares for and plays with their kitten.

See also: pet, pet play, pup, pony

A form of edge play using knives or blades on or near the skin for psychological intensity, sensation, or as part of a power exchange. Knife play does not necessarily involve cutting; dragging a blade flat or using the point to trace skin is common. Actual cutting (blood play) is a separate and higher-risk activity. Knife play requires skill, safe implements, and careful scene design.

See also: edge play, sensation play

Abbreviation for Long-Distance Relationship. In kink communities, LDR is used to describe power exchange or BDSM relationships conducted partially or entirely at a distance, often via online communication. LDR dynamics present specific challenges around ritual, task-giving, check-ins, and physical presence during scenes.

See also: IRL, online dynamic

The community that developed from post-WWII gay male leather bars and culture in the United States and Europe. The leather community has its own traditions, events (including International Mr. Leather), protocols, and organisations. It is closely associated with old guard traditions and is considered a foundational part of modern BDSM culture.

See also: old guard, new guard, house

A person who identifies with an age-regressed persona as part of a CG/l or DDlg dynamic. Littles take on younger-feeling mental states, interests, or behaviours in their play or dynamic. The term is used regardless of the little's actual age or gender. Littles can be of any orientation and may or may not have a caregiver partner.

See also: DDlg, CG/l, age play, caretaker, little space

The headspace or altered state a little enters when engaging with their younger persona. Little space can range from slightly playful and child-like to a deep regression into a much younger mental state. Many littles find little space deeply comforting and stress-relieving.

See also: little, headspace, pet space

A relaxed, informal mode of conduct within a D/s or M/s dynamic. In low protocol, behavioural expectations are reduced: a submissive might speak freely, sit on furniture, or interact more as an equal. Low protocol is often used in casual daily settings or when privacy is needed.

See also: high protocol, protocol, structure

Abbreviation for Master/slave. M/s describes a power exchange relationship in which one person (the slave) gives extremely broad authority and control to the other (the Master or Mistress). M/s dynamics are often more total and structured than D/s, though the terms are sometimes used interchangeably.

See also: D/s, TPE, 24/7, power exchange

A scheduled or regular spanking given not as punishment for a specific infraction but to reinforce the dynamic, remind the submissive of their role, or maintain the connection between partners. Maintenance spankings are a protocol tool in some D/s relationships, used alongside or in place of punishment spankings.

See also: discipline, impact play, punishment, protocol

A Dominant role title, most commonly used in M/s dynamics, indicating a high degree of authority over a slave or submissive. In leather and old guard traditions, "Master" is a formal title with specific meaning and is not used casually. In other circles, it is a title a person applies to themselves or earns within a relationship.

See also: M/s, Mistress, Dominant, D/s

A BDSM activity set in a medical or clinical context, typically involving roleplay of medical examination, procedures, or treatment. Medical play may involve actual medical implements (speculums, sounds, catheters) or may be entirely theatrical. Activities involving insertion, incision, or electrical stimulation carry real risks and require appropriate knowledge.

See also: roleplay, e-stim, needle play, sensation play

Abbreviation for Multiple Forms of Domination (or Multiple Forms of D/s). The term is used in some communities to describe dynamics that combine several types of power exchange (such as domestic service, bondage, protocol, and financial control) rather than focusing on a single mode.

See also: D/s, dynamic

BDSM activities that work primarily on the psychological level: hypnosis, consented-to gaslighting scenarios, mindfucks, and tasks designed to disorient or challenge the submissive's perceptions. Mind play is often considered edge play because the effects can be difficult to predict and the psychological impact can be profound.

See also: hypnosis, edge play, CNC

A female Dominant role title. In leather and old guard traditions, Mistress is a formal title of earned authority. More broadly, it is used by or given to any female-identified Dominant. Professional dominatrices sometimes use the title in their working name.

See also: Master, Dominant, Domme

A nurturing female-identified Dominant who takes on a maternal caretaking role with a little or age-regressed partner. Mommy Dommes provide care, comfort, structure, and discipline within a CG/l dynamic. The term is the female-gendered equivalent of Daddy Dom.

See also: CG/l, DDlg, Daddy Dom, caretaker, little

A casual, public social gathering for BDSM and kink community members, typically held at a vanilla restaurant or café. Munches are the standard first point of entry into local kink communities: they are non-play events, and fetish wear is not expected. The word derives from early internet BDSM forums.

See also: community, FetLife, dungeon, play party

A face covering that restricts the mouth, similar to an animal muzzle, used in BDSM scenes involving pet play, humiliation, or bondage. Muzzles in pet play are often leather and aesthetic; those used in bondage may be more restrictive. Breathing and monitoring considerations apply as with any face-covering implement.

See also: pet play, hood, gag, bondage

A form of edge play involving the insertion of sterile hypodermic needles through the skin for sensation or aesthetic purposes. Needle play requires proper sterilisation and disposal knowledge, an understanding of safe anatomical areas, and is never a beginner activity. Needles must be single-use, and proper sharps disposal is mandatory.

See also: edge play, sensation play, medical play

The conversation (or series of conversations) between participants before a scene or dynamic begins, covering activities, limits, desires, health considerations, safewords, and aftercare preferences. Good negotiation is considered essential rather than optional. It can take minutes for an established partnership or hours for a new or complex scene.

See also: consent, informed consent, hard limit, soft limit, safeword

A broad term for BDSM community members and traditions that emerged after the old guard leather era, generally from the 1980s onward with the influence of the internet, feminist BDSM, and pansexual community spaces. New guard approaches tend to be more casual about titles, more openly educational, and more inclusive across genders and orientations.

See also: old guard, leather community

A safety signal that does not require speech, used when a verbal safeword cannot be used due to gagging, subspace, breathwork, or other reasons. Common non-verbal safewords include holding an object that is dropped when the submissive wants to stop, tapping a specific number of times, or a hand gesture. Non-verbal safewords should always be established when any activity limits speech.

See also: safeword, traffic light system, gag

Abbreviation for "original character" in online roleplay communities. In kink roleplay contexts, OC refers to a fictional character a person has created for use in scene roleplay, as opposed to playing an existing fictional character. OCs allow more flexibility in character design and personal expression.

See also: RP, roleplay, CNC

The post-WWII gay male leather community and its traditions, protocols, and values. Old guard is characterised by formal hierarchies, earned titles, mentorship, strict protocol, and a code of conduct. The term is also used more loosely to refer to any long-standing BDSM traditions, though purists reserve it for the specific leather lineage.

See also: new guard, leather community, house

A circular metal ring attached to a collar, harness, or other BDSM item, used as an attachment point for leashes, chains, or other restraints. The O-ring is also iconic as a visual symbol of submission, and O-ring collars and chokers are among the most common kink jewellery types.

See also: collar, restraints

Abbreviation for Over the Knee. OTK refers to the classic hand-spanking position in which the spankee lies across the spanker's lap. It is one of the most common impact play positions and is particularly associated with discipline dynamics and domestic service roleplay.

See also: impact play, D/s, discipline

A flat impact implement used in spanking and impact play. Paddles come in many materials including wood, leather, and silicone. Wooden paddles deliver intense thud and can cause significant bruising; padded leather paddles are softer and more beginner-friendly. Like all impact implements, paddles should be used on fleshy areas and away from the spine, kidneys, and joints.

See also: impact play, flogger, cane, OTK

A submissive who adopts an animal persona as part of their BDSM dynamic or personal kink identity. Pet play is the broader umbrella; specific pet types include kitten, pup, pony, and others. Pets may have handlers, Owners, or Trainers as their Dominant counterpart.

See also: pet play, kitten, pup, pony

A form of BDSM roleplay in which one or more participants takes on an animal persona. Pet play can be about headspace and psychological regression into animal instinct, physical sensation, power exchange, or aesthetic enjoyment. Common forms include pup play, kitten play, and pony play.

See also: pet, kitten, pup, pony, pet space

The altered psychological state a pet enters when deeply in their animal persona. Pet space is similar to subspace or little space: a distinctive headspace characterised by instinctual behaviour, reduced human social processing, and a focus on sensory experience and connection with a handler.

See also: pet play, headspace, subspace, little space

In BDSM contexts, "play" refers to consensual BDSM activity, whether or not it is overtly sexual. The term deliberately distinguishes these activities from abuse and emphasises their consensual, intentional nature. "Play party," "play partner," and "play space" all use the word in this sense.

See also: scene, session, play party

A private or semi-private social event at which attendees may engage in BDSM play. Play parties typically have a host, house rules about consent and photography, a designated play space, and social areas. They may be themed (impact-only, bondage, leather-only) or open to all forms of kink.

See also: dungeon, munch

A submissive who takes on a horse or pony persona in pony play. Ponies may be cart ponies (pulling a small carriage), show ponies (performing for an audience), or riding ponies (carrying a rider). Pony play has its own equipment tradition including bits, bridles, hoof boots, and tail attachments.

See also: pet play, pony play, kitten, pup

A specific form of pet play in which a person takes on the role of a horse or pony, with a handler (trainer, groom, or rider) as the Dominant counterpart. Pony play has a strongly developed subculture with dedicated events, competitions, and equipment traditions.

See also: pet play, pony, bit gag

The specific distribution of authority and control between participants in a BDSM relationship or scene. Power dynamics can be fixed (one person always leads), fluid (roles shift), or context-dependent. Recognising and negotiating the power dynamic is central to consent and safety.

See also: power exchange, D/s, M/s, dynamic

The consensual giving and receiving of authority, control, or autonomy between BDSM participants. Power exchange is the core principle underlying D/s, M/s, and TPE dynamics. It can take many forms: physical control through bondage, psychological control through protocol, or total authority over daily decisions.

See also: D/s, M/s, TPE, dynamic

In primal play, the predator is the dominant hunting or chasing role. Primal predators pursue, capture, and dominate their prey as part of a raw, instinct-driven form of BDSM. Primal play can be highly physical and requires explicit negotiation around physicality, marks, and limits.

See also: prey, primal play

A person who teaches workshops or gives demonstrations at BDSM events, conventions, or dungeons. Presenters are community educators who share skills, knowledge, and experience. Well-regarded presenters often travel to events nationally or internationally.

See also: workshop, demo, convention

In primal play, the prey is the submissive being chased or hunted. Prey may actively flee, fight back, or simply submit as the scene unfolds. The prey role is the receptive position in primal dynamics and does not necessarily mean passivity.

See also: predator, primal play

Abbreviation for Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink. PRICK is a consent framework that emphasises individual accountability: each participant is responsible for understanding the risks of activities and making their own informed decisions, rather than relying on community-level definitions of what is "safe" or "sane."

See also: SSC, RACK, consent

A formalised set of rules, rituals, and behaviours agreed upon within a D/s or M/s relationship. Protocols can cover forms of address, posture, service expectations, daily routines, and behaviour in public or community settings. High protocol means strict adherence; low protocol is relaxed.

See also: high protocol, low protocol, ritual, structure, dynamic

A consequence given by a Dominant in response to a submissive's infraction or misbehaviour, intended as a genuine deterrent or corrective measure. Punishment in BDSM should be meaningful to the recipient to be effective. It is distinct from funishment (a consequence both parties enjoy) and from discipline, which is a broader system.

See also: discipline, correction, funishment, maintenance spanking

A person who takes on a puppy or dog persona as part of pup play. Pups can be submissive, dominant, or switch within their pup dynamic. Pup culture has its own strong community with events, kennel structures, and specialist equipment including hoods, mitts, and tails.

See also: pet play, kitten, pony, pet

Abbreviation for Risk-Aware Consensual Kink. RACK emerged as an alternative to SSC to acknowledge that BDSM activities carry inherent risks that cannot always be made "safe." It emphasises that participants should understand and accept those risks rather than claiming a safety that may not exist.

See also: SSC, PRICK, consent

Physical items used to limit a person's movement in BDSM play. Restraints include cuffs, rope, bondage tape, chains, spreader bars, and other devices. Proper use requires attention to circulation, nerve compression, and always having a means of quick release, especially in the event of an emergency.

See also: bondage, cuffs, rope, spreader bar

A positive response from a Dominant to a submissive's good behaviour, completed task, or demonstrated effort. Rewards are part of the positive reinforcement side of a discipline system and can take any form meaningful to the submissive: praise, physical affection, a desired activity, or a privilege.

See also: punishment, discipline, task

A person who performs rope bondage, typically in shibari or kinbaku. The rigger is the active, tying partner. "Rigger" often implies more technical or artistic skill than the term "rope top." Riggers who perform suspension bondage are generally expected to have significant dedicated training.

See also: rope top, rope bunny, shibari, kinbaku, suspension

A gag with an open ring held in the mouth, preventing the wearer from closing their jaw completely while leaving the mouth accessible. Ring gags are more exposed than ball gags and are commonly used in humiliation or service scenes. Non-verbal safewords are essential.

See also: gag, ball gag, bit gag

A repeated, formalised behaviour or ceremony that marks a transition, reinforces a dynamic, or holds symbolic meaning within a power exchange relationship. Rituals can be as simple as a morning greeting posture or as elaborate as a formal collaring ceremony. Many practitioners find rituals psychologically grounding.

See also: protocol, high protocol, collaring ceremony

Consensual enactment of a scenario, character, or situation as part of BDSM play. Roleplay can be fantasy-based, historical, fictional, or based on real-world power dynamics (doctor/patient, boss/employee). It may or may not overlap with power exchange. CNC is a specific and high-stakes form of roleplay.

See also: CNC, scene, RP

Cordage used in bondage, most commonly jute, hemp, or nylon. Each material has different properties: jute and hemp are traditional for shibari and have a distinctive texture; nylon is softer and more forgiving for beginners. Rope selection, construction quality, and conditioning all affect safety and aesthetics.

See also: bondage, shibari, kinbaku, rigger, rope bunny

The person who is tied in rope bondage. The bunny is the receptive partner in the rope dynamic, though they may have no formal submission role. A rope bunny may be tied purely for aesthetic or sensation purposes, without any power exchange.

See also: rigger, rope top, shibari, bondage

The person who ties in a rope bondage session, from simple bedroom restraints to complex suspension. Rope top is a role designation used more broadly than rigger, which sometimes implies a higher level of artistic or technical skill.

See also: rigger, rope bunny, bondage

Abbreviation for roleplay. In online kink communities, RP specifically refers to text-based collaborative storytelling or character-driven scenarios. RP may be purely fictional, or it may be used as preparation or fantasy scaffolding for eventual IRL play.

See also: roleplay, OC, CNC, IRL

A pre-agreed word, phrase, or signal used to slow down, pause, or stop a BDSM scene. Safewords are the primary consent enforcement tool in active play. The most widely used system is the traffic light (red/yellow/green). When a safeword is used, it must always be respected immediately and without question.

See also: traffic light system, non-verbal safeword, hard limit

A sexual or BDSM activity involving feces. Scat is a hard limit for most practitioners and a common exclusion in dungeon rules. When engaged in consensually, it requires significant hygiene precautions due to the health risks involved.

See also: edge play, water sports

A bounded episode of BDSM activity with a beginning and end, as distinct from ongoing relationship dynamics. "Doing a scene" means engaging in a specific play session. Separately, "the scene" (with a definite article) refers to the broader BDSM community.

See also: session, play, negotiation

A form of drop that occurs during or immediately after a specific scene, as opposed to delayed drop that arrives hours or days later. Scene drop can hit very rapidly and may take participants by surprise if they are unaware of the pattern.

See also: drop, sub drop, dom drop, aftercare

BDSM activities focused on producing varied physical sensations: temperature (ice, wax), texture (wartenberg wheel, feathers), electrical stimulation, pressure, and more. Sensation play is a broad category that can be very gentle or highly intense and is accessible to a wide range of experience levels.

See also: wartenberg wheel, e-stim, fire play, impact play

A form of submission focused on performing tasks, domestic work, or acts of care for a Dominant. Service submissives find fulfilment in being useful, and service may be erotic or non-erotic. Domestic service, waiting on a Dominant, or performing specific rituals are common service forms.

See also: service submissive, domestic service, D/s

A submissive whose primary orientation and source of fulfilment is serving and providing for their Dominant. Service submissives often describe their submission as acts of care, attention, and usefulness rather than pain or humiliation. Many service-oriented submissives have no interest in sensation play.

See also: service, submissive, domestic service

A BDSM encounter or play period, often used as a synonym for scene. "Session" is also used in professional BDSM contexts (pro domme, pro sub) to describe a paid appointment.

See also: scene, play

A Japanese rope bondage art form emphasising aesthetics, intentional pattern, and the psychological interaction between rigger and rope bunny. Shibari (literally "to tie") in the West often refers broadly to Japanese-inspired decorative rope work. It is distinct from, though related to, kinbaku.

See also: kinbaku, rope, bondage, rigger

A person who has consensually given very broad authority over their life, behaviour, or decisions to a Master or Mistress within an M/s dynamic. The slave role often involves extensive protocol, service, and surrender of autonomy. Slavery in this context is a chosen identity and dynamic: it is entirely consensual, not coercive.

See also: M/s, Master, TPE, submissive

An activity a person is hesitant about, uncomfortable with, or willing to try only under specific conditions with a trusted partner. Soft limits are not absolute refusals but areas requiring careful negotiation, transparency, and potentially gradual experience.

See also: hard limit, negotiation, consent

A rigid bar with attachment points at each end used to keep limbs spread apart. Spreader bars are used for wrists, ankles, or both and are a common bondage item. They restrict movement while keeping the attached limbs accessible.

See also: bondage, restraints

Abbreviation for Safe, Sane, Consensual. SSC was one of the first widely adopted BDSM consent frameworks, popularised in the 1980s. It argues that BDSM should be reasonably safe, that participants should be in a sane state of mind, and that all parties must consent. Critiques of SSC note that "safe" is relative and that "sane" is an ableist standard.

See also: RACK, PRICK, consent

A large X-shaped bondage frame with attachment points at the four ends, used to restrain a person standing or sitting with limbs spread. St Andrew's Crosses are standard dungeon equipment and allow for a wide range of impact, sensation, and bondage play with the bottom secured upright.

See also: dungeon, bondage, restraints

The rules, routines, schedules, and expectations that give form to a D/s or M/s dynamic outside of scenes. Structure may include daily tasks, check-ins, rituals, protocols, and scheduled activities. For many submissives, structure is a primary need that BDSM dynamics fulfil.

See also: protocol, task, discipline, ritual

An emotional and physical low experienced by a submissive after a scene, caused by the drop in adrenaline, endorphins, and other neurochemicals elevated during play. Sub drop can appear immediately after a scene or arrive 24-72 hours later. Symptoms include sadness, irritability, tearfulness, fatigue, and a sense of disconnection.

See also: drop, dom drop, aftercare, subspace

A person who consensually gives authority, control, or submission to a Dominant within a power exchange dynamic. Submissive is a broad identity term that encompasses specific roles including slave, bottom, little, pet, rope bunny, and service submissive. Submission is a gift and an active choice, not passivity.

See also: D/s, slave, bottom, switch

An altered psychological state entered by some submissives during intense BDSM play, characterised by floating, euphoria, dissociation, reduced awareness of pain, and deep compliance. Subspace is produced by endorphin and adrenaline release. A person deeply in subspace has reduced capacity to consent or use a safeword, making attentive monitoring by the Dominant critical.

See also: headspace, dom space, flying, sub drop

A form of rope bondage in which a person is lifted partially or entirely off the ground. Suspension carries significant risks including nerve damage, circulatory restriction, and falls. It is considered an advanced to expert-level skill requiring dedicated training. Partial suspension (one foot on the ground) is lower-risk than full suspension.

See also: shibari, kinbaku, rigger, hoist, rope

A person who enjoys both Dominant and submissive roles, either with the same partner at different times or with different partners. Switches are not "undecided": switching is a fully valid and distinct orientation within BDSM. The proportion of time spent in each role varies widely between switches.

See also: Dominant, submissive, top, bottom

An activity, behaviour, or assignment given by a Dominant to a submissive as part of their dynamic. Tasks can be practical (household duties), ritualistic (morning posture), or play-oriented (sending photos at a designated time). Task-giving is a common way of maintaining D/s connection, especially in LDR dynamics.

See also: protocol, structure, discipline

A Scottish leather strap, typically split at one end into two or more tails, used in impact play. The tawse produces a sharp, broad sting. It is traditional in corporal punishment history and has been adopted into BDSM impact play.

See also: impact play, paddle, cane, crop, flogger

The person giving sensation, stimulation, or physical action in a scene, regardless of whether a power exchange is involved. Topping is an activity or role designation and does not imply Dominance. A top may be entirely service-oriented, simply providing the experience their bottom requests.

See also: bottom, Dominant, rigger

An emotional low experienced by a top after a scene, equivalent to sub drop. After the focus and adrenaline of topping a scene, a top may experience emotional flatness, fatigue, self-doubt, or sadness. Not all tops experience drop, but it is more common than many assume.

See also: dom drop, drop, aftercare

A phrase describing a situation where the submissive or bottom attempts to control the scene or dynamic while nominally in the receptive role. Occasional negotiation and communication are not topping from the bottom; persistent attempts to manipulate or direct the top against the agreed dynamic are. The phrase is sometimes used unfairly to silence legitimate limit-setting.

See also: brat, bratting, D/s, negotiation

Abbreviation for Total Power Exchange. TPE describes a dynamic in which the submissive or slave gives extremely broad or total authority to the Dominant, with very few or no limits on the Dominant's control. TPE relationships are typically 24/7 and require exceptional trust, extensive negotiation, and ongoing check-ins.

See also: M/s, D/s, 24/7, power exchange

A safeword protocol using the colours red (stop immediately), yellow (slow down or check in), and green (continue, all good). The traffic light system is widely known and easy to use during play without breaking scene immersion. It is one of the most commonly taught safeword systems.

See also: safeword, non-verbal safeword, check-in

A collar given early in a Dominant/submissive relationship to mark the period of evaluation, training, or courtship before a full collaring. Not all traditions use training collars. Where they are used, a training collar indicates commitment and seriousness without the full permanence of a formal collar.

See also: collar, day collar, collaring ceremony

Abbreviation for Tit Torture (or sometimes Titty Torture). TT refers to consensual BDSM activities focused on the breasts and nipples, including squeezing, binding, clamps, and impact. Like CBT, the name overstates the experience for many participants, who find TT pleasurable.

See also: sensation play, CBT, impact play

A colloquial term for people who do not engage in BDSM or kink, or for non-kink sexual and relationship norms. "Vanilla" is generally neutral rather than pejorative in community usage. A "vanilla partner" is a partner who does not share the kink practitioner's interests.

See also: vanilla-passing, kink-aware

Appearing mainstream or non-kinky to outsiders. A vanilla-passing collar is one that looks like ordinary jewellery. A vanilla-passing couple is one whose BDSM dynamic is not visible to people outside the community. Vanilla-passing is important for practitioners who need to maintain privacy.

See also: day collar, vanilla, discretion

A self-adhesive bandage wrap, used in veterinary medicine, that sticks to itself but not to skin. Vet wrap is used in BDSM as a cheap, accessible bondage material similar to bondage tape. It is easy to remove with scissors and comes in many colours.

See also: bondage tape, bondage

An electrical play device that produces a high-frequency, low-current electrical discharge through a glass electrode. Violet wands create a distinctive crackling sensation and a mild visible arc. They are popular in sensation and electro play and are considered relatively accessible compared to other electrical implements.

See also: electro play, e-stim, sensation play

A small medical pinwheel with sharp metal spokes, used in sensation play to create a prickling or scratching sensation across the skin. Wartenberg wheels are inexpensive, easy to clean, and among the most widely used sensation play implements. They can be used lightly (barely touching) to intensely (with firm pressure).

See also: sensation play, impact play

A BDSM activity involving urine, also called "golden shower" or, clinically, urophilia. Water sports are a common kink that frequently appears as a hard limit in negotiation. When engaged in consensually, hygiene considerations are the primary practical concern.

See also: edge play, scat, negotiation

An educational BDSM event in which a presenter teaches a skill, technique, or topic to attendees. Workshops range from beginner introductions to advanced technique classes and may include hands-on practice. They are a primary way practitioners develop skill and stay connected to community education.

See also: demo, convention, presenter

Abbreviation for "Your Kink Is OK, Not In My Backyard." A community phrase expressing tolerance for other people's kinks while asserting the right not to personally engage with or be subjected to them. It is a common boundary-setting shorthand: you can do what you want, just not with or around me.

See also: consent, limits, community