I'm a black woman in kink spaces and sometimes feel like the only one there, and I've experienced some uncomfortable fetishisation. How do other black women navigate predominantly white BDSM spaces?

Racial fetishisation in kink spaces is a documented problem, and the fact that it exists in spaces nominally committed to consent and respect does not make it less real. Many black women kinksters describe similar experiences: being read primarily through a racial lens, receiving attention that treats race as the central erotic variable, and navigating comments or approaches that would not be directed at white women in the same space.

The strategies that other black women in kink describe as most useful tend to include: being explicit and direct in rejecting racialised approaches when they occur, without extended explanation; finding and prioritising POC-centred kink events, dungeons, and communities that have been built with this specifically in mind; and building relationships with other black and brown women in kink, both for community support and for shared navigation of these experiences.

POC-centred kink spaces are more available now than they were a decade ago, including events, online communities, and Fetlife groups specifically for kinksters of colour. These spaces provide community without the ambient negotiation required in predominantly white spaces.

Advocacy within spaces you participate in, if you choose to invest in it, can include raising concerns about specific incidents with event organisers, supporting the development of explicit anti-racist event policies, and creating visibility for black women kinksters in community leadership and education. Many people in this position do not wish to take on that labour, and they are not obligated to.

You deserve spaces where your presence is unremarkable rather than fetishised.